Are you Caught in the Web?

Many times, addicts lead seemingly normal lives and their addiction becomes part of their secret or double life.  In their book You: Being Beautiful, Doctors Roizen & Oz provide the following ways to tell if you or someone you know is addicted.

• You have a compelling need to engage in the behavior.
• You lose control as a result of the behavior.
• You continue the behavior even if there are adverse effects (problems with family or work)

According to Dr. Kimberly Young, author of Caught in the Net, signs of Internet addiction include the following:

• Being preoccupied with the Internet
• The need to use the Internet for increasing amounts of time
• Unsuccessful attempts to limit Internet use
• Remaining online longer than originally planned
• Placing relationships or work at risk because of the Internet
• Lying to others to hide the extent of Internet activity
• Using the internet as an escape from life’s issues

Gambler’s Anonymous provides the following warning signs for gambling addiction

• Feeling the need to bet more and more money
• Lying to family and friends about how much you really gambled
• Tried unsuccessfully to stop gambling
• Gamble as a way of escape
• Relying on others for money to get out of a gambling situation
• Jeopardizing family or career because of gambling
• Borrowing money to finance gambling
• Gambling to get money back

 Use the word addict and images of crack houses, meth labs and drug dealers may come to mind.  When you hear of a person being “hooked”, alcohol, drugs and tobacco are usually what people first think of. In fact over 23 million Americans have an addiction to these substances. According to the NC Medical Journal in our state (North Carolina), more than 700,000 people (age 12 and up) are addicted to drugs, alcohol or both. Although these areas of addiction can be more obvious and immediately destructive there are other addictions that are just as powerful and deadly. They include food, shopping, sex, pornography, internet and gambling. Do you use any of these things to help you cope with stress or escape life’s problems? Do you find that you can’t go for long periods of time without them? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, you may be addicted.  

Take the Internet Addiction Test

The other day, while at Panera Bread, I overheard a woman (I’ll call her Sherry) talking with her friends. Sherry was discussing how she felt about her impending divorce. As the conversation went on, I began to realize the story behind what led to the problems between Sherry and her husband. Apparently, Sherry’s husband had started spending more and more time on social networking sites like FaceBook™ and MySpace ©. At first, Sherry joined the sites as well – in her profile she chose to use a picture of her and her husband while his profile picture was of him alone. Sherry also noticed that her husband’s status went from married to single. And the final red flag for Sherry was when her husband began having “business trips” and spending additional money. It was then that Sherry realized her husband was meeting women that he had met online f2f (face to face).

Sherry is not alone. According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the Internet is a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces. In fact, 5% to 10% of all web surfers suffer from some form of web or online dependency. Internet Addiction Disorder, also known as IAD has been added to the various compulsive behaviors that people can engage in to excessive points that interfere with daily life.   Addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (such as narcotics) to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Must see Love Movies

Fireproof

The Notebook

Not Easily Broken

Why Did I get Married? 

Relationship Books

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

The Love Dare by Kendrick, Kendrick and Kimbrough

Championship Fathering, by Carey Casey

Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce by Myles Munroe

The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie Omartian

LOVE 2.0

We are now a decade into the millennium and our constant access to technology, in particular the Internet has encouraged a hi-tech, low-touch society.  There seems to be more social networking than true social interaction.  So how does one discover love in the time of iPhone, Facebook and MySpace?  Latherio Boyd, relationship coach and author of The Man’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Mate, says that we have to be willing to take risks in order to meet a potential mate.  He encourages women to go out so that they can ‘be seen’.  Further, he reminds women that the man is not going to come knocking at your door.  He stresses that women should see relationships as an investment.  Latherio advises the men that they should know their value and what they have to offer in a relationship.  He believes that finding the perfect mate is like finding a missing puzzle piece.  Several pieces may fit, but there is one that fits with ease so that the picture is complete.

I Dare you to Love!

Do you have the courage to love beyond February 14th?  To love beyond the month of February?  To Love 365 days of the year?

send an e-card -  DaySpring E-Cards

send a love message – 5 Love Cards

listen to love reminders – Love Dare

Resources:

The Love Dare Book

5 Love Languages

Looking at media headlines can be discouraging for marriage hopefuls.  In fact, the United States divorce rate is 4-5 per 1,000 people.  But there’s hope.  Husband and wife team Phillip and Ingram Deans, are warriors on the marriage battlefield.  They believe that God has to be the center of your marriage.  Ingram goes on to share that forgiveness is something that has to take place.  “There has to be a willingness to grow from the mistakes.”  Phillip states that, “You have to know your purpose and design and what you were made to do in a relationship.”  You need to have your total package that works for you.  Every relationship is work.”  Ingram shares that Corinthians 13 holds many of the keys; there is love beyond the emotions – patience, the ability to speak kindly and perseverance.  They both agree that marriage is work; spiritual work. 

Resources: 

Preparing for Marriage 

God’s Design for Marriage 

Fireproof 

Dating to Mate the Biblical Way

During Valentine’s Day, it is so easy to get caught up with material gifts.  Deep down, we all know that giving of ourselves is the best gift we have to offer someone; our Love.  Not bears & balloons, flowers & fragrance, candy & cards.  So why do we give those things so much attention? 

I spent my Valentine’s Day with family.  We ate, laughed, talked, played and prayed.  The fellowship was such a blessing.  Having the time and space to talk and share with each other was the ultimate gift. 

John 3:16

The One

Marriage mentors Michael and Monica Brunson share their beliefs about the significance of father-daughter relationships.  The Brunson’s teach singles and couples in a biblical-based marriage prep course entitled ‘Growing Together in Christ’.  From their experience, they have discovered that unresolved issues with parents of the opposite gender play out in marital relationships.  They go on to say that individuals who want to have successful marriages will work toward finding closure on significant relationship issues in their past. 

Thoughts?

Alicia, a college sophomore in Atlanta, GA does not have the closest relationship with her father.  A beautiful 20 year old young woman, Alicia, believes her dad loves her but that he does not fully know how to express his love because of how he was raised.  She thinks that with a healthy relationship with their dad, a woman will not have to be so protective of themselves; so guarded with their feelings when they enter relationships with other men.    She hopes that in time her relationship with her father will grow stronger.  She often wonders if it is possible for to have a good relationship with someone since she did not have an ideal relationship with her father.  

What do you think?

click here to view A National Survey of Mothers’ Attitudes on Fathering